i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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