I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
