It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
