On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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