If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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