Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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