I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
