1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
should my penis look like a turkey
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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