I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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