The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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