So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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