Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
