Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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