Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
