if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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