I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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