pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
