I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
