I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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