I hate all girls vehemently.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
