i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
