i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
