I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
