The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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