i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
