the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
