Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
