I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
