I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize