it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
