bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
