i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dick very happy bro
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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