It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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