either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
