didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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