I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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