Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
