i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
