filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize