So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
