I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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