so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
