I'm jealous of your bromance
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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