Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
