Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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