apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
