we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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