y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
