I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
