Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize