Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
