i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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