Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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