People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
