Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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