you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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