I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
