There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
