he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
