C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
