I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
