She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
did i walk over a car last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
