i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
