Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
