I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
