Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
