"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
