what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
