i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She needs sedatives and a leash
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
