my mouth tastes like poor choices
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
