i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
