Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
